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Author: bigspeer
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1 Comments
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*cue booming announcer and music*
Good Evening, Rogue Isles! Welcome to Chum Corner with Captain Mako!
Now let me introduce our first guest...
*flashback**flashback**flashback*
John Daniels was with his fiancé, Esther Vesence, when a freak accident toppled the catwalk over the brewing tanks and both fell in the brew. Esther fell at such an angle that she smacker her head on the site of the tank and died instaneously. John survived, but was dead inside over the loss of Esther. He decided to drown his sorrows, and himself, in a swimming pool full of Schlitz. Little did he know that a mutantic strand of DNA had activated during this emotion time for him. He filled his pool with the fermented goodness, cast his feet in Quikcrete and rolled into the pool.
When he finally could not hold his breath any longer, he started to gasp and inhale the beer. After a few breaths, he blacked out...
Little did he know, his mutant ability allowed him to absorb the alcohol thru his lungs and permeate it throughout his entire bloodstream. He awoke,confused and with a really bad hangover, in the psych ward of Milwaukee General Hospital on suicide watch. When he would throw rage and fury filled fits, the orderlies tried to sedate him, but the needles always broke on his skin. The doctors couldn't explain how he didn't die, his constant hangover or his dulled senses.
During one of his outbursts, John realized that his hands didn't hurt while he was senselessly beating the cement brick wall, even though they were bloodied and battered. He continues to beat on the same spot every day for a month, until a crash shot up the length of the wall. Using all his might, he threw himself at it and broke through to freedom.
**flashfront****flashfront****flashfront**
*cue announcer*
When he finally escaped, he had spent over a year in that hospital. John made his way to the Rogue Isles when learned that the manufacturer of the Schlitz Factory catwalks is based here. Vowing to kill every last assembly line working for not taking pride in their work, he snuck on to playgrounds at recess to steal enough lunch money for his trip here.
He's a super strong, invulnerable brute of a man hailing from snowy Milwaukee who gained his larger than life abilities when he was touring the Schlitz Brewing Company's main production line that fateful afternoon ten years ago.
Now villainesses and villains, put your hands together for Schlitzkrieg!
Mako: Welcome to the Chum Corner, Schlitzkrieg. I hope there weren't too many Coralax in your dressing room. I don't feed them often and they tend to nibble on the guests.
Schlitzkrieg: I just punched a few in the face and the rest.. the rest left me alone. But that noise they make... hurts the head! And I even gots some teeths stuck in my fist, will ya look at that.
Mako: Those things are razor sharp. Looks like you really don't feel anything with those hands of yours. I say we test those remoras out and see how dead they really are! What do you say folks?! We'll be back right after message from our sponsor, Arachnos Recruiters, Supporting violence and anarchy since 1951.
*fade to black*
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